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女儿上学了
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SendingKidsOfftoSchool
苏珊·尤尼SusanUnion
Mygirlisgoingtoschool.
&illcouldseehowseveralweeksagotheselayiasclearlyasifithadbeenwritteni.“Fivemoreminutes,hoheoleave.”
Iyfive-year-olddaughter,whohadbeenfrolithePacififorthepasthour.Sherofier,butthedeepblueseawasadifferentmatter.
Maybeshedidn’thearmegherheroaroftheo;maybeshedidhearandwasjustigossibletotell.
&ime’sup,wehavetogourned,gavemea“seeya,Mom”
lookaherintothesurf.IsplashedoutandgrabbedherarMyshorts>
“No!”
shescreamed,“Idon’twanttoleave!”
Shejerkedherarmawayfrommeatlebodya>
Nowshewasinoverherhead.OverewithfearandrageIgrabbedher,firmlythistime,aherout.Shesdthrashedaboutlikeawildanimalatrap,growlingandsg.Thegrittysandgtoourwetskin.
BynowIwasshaking.Icouldhardlybelievee.Ismackedheroomhard.Itstuomakeherfreezeaerigs.Shestoodtherealmostpletelysandahwideopeakeabreath.
“eon!”
IsaidthroughchedteethasIpulledheralongtoaththatwouldleadusawayfromthebeach.Shehoppedalongsideofme,seethingandjibbering.Irealizedshewastryingtotellmesomethielligiblewordsalterhjaggedsobsassheshiftedherweightfromooa!Noereoutofthesurf,thesandwassghot.Ihadbeengherthongsallalong.“I’msosorry,sweetie.Puttheseon.”
Islippedherthorembli.
Thatwasweeksago.Notember,andIwasbathebeae.AsIwalkedthebeach,tearswelledupinmyeyes.Icouldseetheimageofmydaughterearlierthatm,headingintoherfreshlypaienforherfirstdayofschool.Herneackroudlyoverhershoulder.Thedesignofyellolepuppiesandkitteenderyears.
I’ddrivenstraighttothebeachafterdroppiherewassomethingsinthenever-eingandbreakingoftheedthepoundingsurfwouldsoothemyanxiousthoughts.
Ihaddreamedofthisdayforyears—fivetobeexact.Idreamedofthisdaywhenshewasonlyayearoldaherdayslurgthroughthehouseunsteadily,learningtowalk.Iwassoedthatshemightmaimherself.Ifollowedherarouharmsoutstretchedlikeagiantbear.
o,Ineededabreakfromfull-timemommyhoodbadly.Ihadleftherwithmyparehejobrequiredmeobusiours,wheinylittlev-distanelines,myvoicecrackedsobadlythatIcouldhardlyans
Andthispastsummer,ourdaysoneahercausedhertodemandmyunfailiion.Asthesummer’sheatgrewmoreoppressive,Igotlistlessbutshebecamemorespirited.EverydayIheard,“Mom,let’sgotothepark,let’sgotothebeach,let’sgototheark,let’sgo,let’sgo,let’sgo.”
Whythetearsthen?Istoppedwalkingandsathroalovelybeaagloriousdayfeelingmiserable.Ishouldbehappy,Ithought.Nomoreibardiwelvehoursaday.NowIkfree,usinastreamofectedideas.IwobacktoschoolorstartthebusinessI’dbeenthinkingabout.Icouldgoshoppingbymyself.Icouldrollupthewindowsinmycar,pidsiopofmylungs.
&his,I’dmisshavingherbymyside.I’dbeeusedtohavingatpaniofiveyears.“Don’tworry,Mom,we’llstillhaveether.”
shehadreassuredmeatthebreakfasttablethat
Withthatthoughtinmind,Iythingsoffthebeadheadedformycar.Itwastimetogopickupmybaby—fromherfirstdayofsyangel,Iwaslookingforendingthewoerher.
女儿就要上学了。
然而,我还清晰地记得几个星期前的情景,它就像被写在电影剧本里一样在我眼前浮现。
“宝贝,再玩五分钟,五分钟过后我们就得走了。”
我对五岁的女儿喊道。
她已经在太平洋里嬉闹了一个小时了。
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